Breaking up from a long relationship is harder than I imagined it to be.
7 years of bonding, 7 years worth of memories, 7 years of daily patterns I shared leaves a large gaping hole in my chest. Its been a week since the breakup, from D-1 I started drinking radically and now.. I’m tired.
It was my decision to breakup, so I have no-one to blame and bear all the burden of being an a-hole. I ended it because the relationship was going nowhere, felt like it was just in existence, no future expectations, just rolling along, spinning the same way day in day out. There weren’t any tensions, she was always good to me, its just that I changed. She didn’t resemble the person I wanted to be with, and that’s it. I wished many things she couldn’t give. Yes, I should have waited. No, it was the right decision. Damn, its already done. F***.
We used to phone her everyday, always shared our Saturdays. Systematically, I reach for my phone at night, tap the phone icon to realize the the recipient is no more. Nothing is fun anymore.
After breaking up, I applied to an online course, downloaded billion dating apps, payed for meditation apps, spent a considerable sum on drinking. I remember myself being the person with little post-breakup drama, but its having quite the toll on me.
So what was the breakup for? I needed some time for myself, wanted to spend more time focusing on my life. I just wanted more from life. Not from her (well..), from me. After writing this confessional text I feel much better… I think I can go about my business now.